The End of a Journey...The Start of Something New

This month on December 21, one of the greatest journeys I have ever taken will be coming to an end. I will be graduating with my Masters degree in education.  I have been in school for seven and half years and part of me doesn't know what to do...I am sure I will find something, but it won't be the same.  UNO has been a wonderful place to complete both my undergrad and graduate career.  I have met so many people who have taught me about myself and about education.  I have had a few professors that I will be forever grateful to.  They took me under their wings and have encouraged me to be the best person and teacher that I could be. They met me where I was at and allowed me to grow.  These same professors that took me under their wings were also the ones that challenged me the most in the classroom and out of the classroom.
Looking back on my journey of undergrad and grad school, it has certainly been long, but when all is said and done it has been rewarding and humbling.  As the semester winds down, I have realized how lucky I am to have my education and the life that I live.  My Capstone class this semester really made me realize that I do know a lot about education and about teaching, but I don't know everything and I never will.  I need to continually be learning from my peers and other professionals.  I need to do this not only for myself, but for my students.  They deserve to have a teacher that is continually learning and I want to show my students that we NEVER stop learning.
As the semester comes to an end, many of you know that I have gotten my first big girl job.  I am now teaching kindergarten at Franklin.  In the perfect world, this isn't where I would have wanted my first job to be, but I am slowly realizing that I am right where I need to be.  This is another thing I have learned as the semester is ending.  My peers and and one great professor have showed me that even though everyday is a challenge, I am strong enough to be successful there.  I might get hit, kicked, worn down, and discouraged by my students, but they are teaching me patience and perseverance.  They are showing me that if I can get through them, I can make it through any class of kinders!  Most of all, they are teaching me how to love more greatly.  They are a challenging group of kiddos that come from rough homes.  It has become my goal to not only be their teacher, but to give them the love they need and deserve even when they seem unlovable.    The Bible calls us to love the unlovable and I think one of the greatest places that describes love can be found here...
1 Corinthians 13: 1-7

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.  And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  

If I love I can make it through.  If I love, I will be a better teacher to my students.  I will be the teacher they deserve to have.  A teacher that is right where she needs to be at this point in her life.  

As I close a chapter in my life, I know that new ones will be written.  One journey is ending, but there are many more to come.  I know that I have become a life long learner and I never want to stop growing as a person or a professional.  I have had so many wonderful people in my life that have helped me get where I am and to them I will be forever grateful.  

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Well, this morning was quite the morning.  I think I may have reached a point of surrender.  A point of ugly crying in public...well kind of.  Maybe the sweat disguised it.  The past couple of weeks I have been reading a book about putting Christ in the center of your life and everything else will fall into place right where it is supposed to. I have been focussing on this concept since reading about it in the book.  Don't get me wrong I have always claimed to have a relationship with Christ and want to put Him first in my life, but I don't always do that.  This week I have been trying to spend more time in prayer and more time in the Word.  Funny how when you do this things really do change even if they are small and slow.  If you keep your eyes open you will see God working.  I've had two examples make this clear.
The first one is that I have allowed other people's actions and attitudes to have an influence on me and my attitude and how well I do something.  Along with allowing them to influence me I have had a hard to loving or even being nice to some of these people, one in particular.  This week I really focussed on this and prayed that God would give me patience and help me to love or at least accept this person a little bit more.  Maybe no one else noticed the change, but I felt it.  When I was with this person I felt light and had a bit more happiness.  So maybe it is small, but it is better than nothing!
The second example comes in terms of my workouts and weight loss.  After July was such a good month I figured that my good attitude and motivation would move right on into August.  WRONG!  This month has not been my best one to date. So far I have only lost a pound...big deal right. I feel like it's two steps forward and one step backwards.  I can't seem to get my life in line.  I battle with myself and negotiate things that end up messing up my goals. I also don't always believe in myself and my abilities.  I really feel that this will be something that I will struggle with the rest of my life, but that brings me back to this morning.  As you know I'm lucky enough to have an awesome trainer to hold me accountable.  This morning I had to be honest with him, and if I wasn't I wouldn't be able to pedal the bike I was on! I had to admit that I haven't been doing exactly what I should be doing.  I hate admitting my struggles because that means I am failing not only myself, but him.  Even though admitting that I had screwed up hurt me a lot,  I feel like it could have been a breakthrough, a point of surrender if you will.  I know that my heart is in, but my head is where the battle is.  I need to change my thinking and believe that I can do it, and I will do it.  This point of surrender has been my prayer, and I think I finally got my answer to it this morning.  Ideally, not how I wanted it, but I'm not complaining.  I know I can't do this on my own, I need Christ as the center.  I know I can't do this on my own and I need the support of those around me (Dakota). I need to believe in myself and see my full potential. I need to give up my stubbornness and old ways that are getting me nowhere and move on. I need to change my thoughts, and believe that I can do anything I set my mind to.  I want to come to the point where it' is only steps forward and never going back.
This whole journey has been one of the hardest things I have done in my life.  That is no joke, but I am truly blessed to have an awesome trainer who hasn't walked away from me and has been there 100%.  I know I don't always feel that way, but when I look back I know it is true.

Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self control than to conquer a city.  Proverbs 16:32

When life is tough, you fight!

July has been quite an interesting month for me.  After two deaths in the family I kind of let my fitness goals and weight get out of control.  I slacked off, ate what I wanted, and inevitably gained nearly 10 lbs.  I used these two situations as an excuse and in July realized it was not worth it.  July 1st started my goals to get back on track.  It had been long enough.  My first change was that I cut out pop completely.  I went cold turkey.  I'm proud to say I have made it the whole month!  Anyone that knows me will realize this is a big deal.  I was drinking 3-4 Diet Mt. Dews a day.
Along with cutting out pop, I think for the first time in a long time I have put my heart into my workouts.  I have been so determined to succeed.  Along with putting my heart into my workouts, it has been quite an emotional month for many reasons.  Every time I have given up or gotten frustrated it has been a punch in the stomach.  I had to question and ask myself what the heck I was doing and if I really wanted this.  Obviously, the answer is yes, but nothing pisses me off more than being defeated by my mind.
Over the past year or so I have been fortunate enough to work with an awesome trainer, Dakota, at my gym.  I can honestly say it wasn't until this month that I realized how lucky and how blessed I truly am to have him as a part of my life.  I have worked with other trainers that I thought were good and cared, but I was wrong.  Dakota has pushed me physically and mentally for the past year, but this month I have felt the impact.  Every time I have been frustrated, felt like quitting, or even breaking down in tears, he has been there with an encouraging word to push me along and get me back on my feet. Sometimes this came in the way of picking on me, but I guess there is no other way to show you care :) I feel like most people would have called it quits with me, but he hasn't even on my roughest days.
I know at the end of the month I haven't met all of my goals, but I have made progress. This time I will not give up, this is something worth fighting for.  I have slowly been working to change my attitude to believe in myself.  I also know that Dakota will not let me quit or give up.  I don't think I will ever be able to say thank you enough.
God really has blessed me in so many ways and I am finally realizing that. He gives and He takes away for a reason.  He has placed all of the people in my life that I need to succeed and I know that He will continue to give and take, but it will always be a blessing.  Although, I have questioned Him and challenged Him, I know He will never leave me or forsake me.  Jeremiah 29:11 says For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, and give you hope for the future.  I believe this with all my heart.  We will have struggles, people will hurt us, this world will hurt us, and we will make mistakes, but He has a plan.  Finally, every time I have been rowing, running, or being pushed to my limit I have held onto Philippians 4:13, I CAN do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength.
When things get tough, I am making the choice to fight.  Through perseverance comes character, and with character hope.